


Rosebuds and Baby's Breath

by o_WinterQueen_o



Category: Bleach
Genre: (mentioned) - Freeform, Angst, Artist Ichigo, Bittersweet, Bleach Big Bang, Cannibalism, Chronic Illness, Doctors, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Gen, Hanahaki Disease, He Also Stands Up For His Own Autonomy, Hospitals, Ichigo Practices An Interesting Form of Self Love, Kurosaki Ichigo-centric, M/M, Not Canon Compliant - Bleach Chapter 686 - Death & Strawberry, One-Sided Relationship, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Self-Harm, Uhhhhh I Hope You Enjoy Suffering Because I Sure Do, Unrequited Love, hanahaki, inspired by: heavenxpiercing & ivory-insanity, mentions of cannibalism, self love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-22
Updated: 2020-01-13
Packaged: 2020-07-10 14:35:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,336
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19907317
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/o_WinterQueen_o/pseuds/o_WinterQueen_o
Summary: The aches in his lungs were nothing. That's what Ichigo told himself, and for a long time, that truly seemed to be the case. Until it wasn't.Then those aches became impossible to ignore.





	1. Stress

**Author's Note:**

  * For [PaleAutumn](https://archiveofourown.org/users/PaleAutumn/gifts), [MidnightMuse234](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MidnightMuse234/gifts).



> Hi y'all!! This is my piece for the Bleach Big Bang 2018-19!! I've worked really hard on this fic for the past 6 months, so I hope you enjoy it!! Shout out to my most lovely artist, Mid, who you might know as MidnightEden234 here on AO3 or as @shiroxichigo on Tumblr. 
> 
> She's been an utter blessing to work with through this entire event and I love her so much. Another shout out to my dearest bean, Ash. You made this possible, so I hope this whole thing hurts you the most. uvu

Messy orange bangs were brushed back out of his eyes for the umpteenth time that night as Ichigo let out yet another harsh huff of air. Turning away from his notes, the university student scrubbed at his eyes furiously with the heels of his hands. Each and every day it seemed to be getting harder and harder to focus and it was driving him insane. 

These last few weeks he'd begun to fall behind in his classes. Even before the diagnosis, he'd been struggling to keep up, but now… Now though… Now that he knew what was wrong with him, it was getting even harder for him to keep everything together… To keep himself together. 

Everything was spinning out of his control and falling apart no matter how hard he worked to keep it together. Work and school had always been a precarious balance for him, but with the diagnosis thrown into the mix… It screwed everything up even more. The stress was eating at him. Honestly, it seemed like the harder he worked, the more he tried to fix things, the worse it all became. 

He failed his last test in his history class, turned his biology lab report in late, forgot to turn in his creative writing project altogether, and his grades on the daily quizzes in medical terminology were slowly but surely slipping. The only reason Ichigo was still passing organic chemistry was because his study group that helped him with the weekly homework. 

Ichigo didn't know what to do. 

Now that the shock of the revelation had worn off, fear had begun to set in. He could feel his body getting weaker, feel the ache in his lungs constantly now. His symptoms kept getting harder and harder to ignore. He didn't know what to do or who to tell or even what exactly he should tell them. The only one who knew anything at all was Shiro, but he was still under the impression that Ichigo merely had a chest infection that was being difficult to shake. 

Ichigo was all alone in the knowledge of his condition. He had no one to turn to. 

Every time he thought about reaching out to someone about it, anxiety would roil up from his stomach and seal off his words. He couldn't tell them. Ichigo wouldn't be able to bear their reactions, that much he knew. Besides… The moment he told someone else… That's when everything would become undeniably real. That's when it would become more than just an ache in his chest and some words on paper that a doctor showed him, and that was the last thing he wanted—the last thing he needed. 

He just had to ignore it. He just needed to get back on track with his schoolwork, catch up on his studying, stop thinking about it. Maybe closer to the end of the semester he would talk to his advisor about taking fewer classes next semester, see what his doctor hard to say about the progression of his condition, then decide what to do and who to tell. What was the point in making everyone worry? What was the point in wasting energy on that when he should be studying and preparing for his future…

These were the things he told himself.

These were the things he repeated to himself over and over again until he was blue in the face. He had to—otherwise Ichigo knew he would have to give in and listen to that wicked voice nagging at the back of his mind… 

The voice that liked to remind him of the one truth he was too scared to face: the fact that, as things are now, he wasn't very likely to have much of a future. 


	2. Happy...

They would never really understand it. Ichigo knew that. He didn’t mind. Not really. 

Inoue and Chad and Ishida did their best to support him, but he knew they hated the choice he made to love and stay with his boyfriend. Tatsuki was better. She knew him for longer. Even if she didn’t agree with him or like his choice, she was better at hiding it. 

Ichigo suspected she was simply relieved he let anyone in at all. 

Mizuiro was similar to Tatsuki. He was best at acting entirely unconcerned, though, to his credit, he might have actually been unconcerned with it. Keigo was still not over the fact that he was gay to process anything having to do with his boyfriend. He wasn’t homophobic or anything, just taken aback. 

Renji and Rukia were the hardest. They loved and were loved so intensely by each other, they could not imagine how he was able to bear it. Nevermind the fact his boyfriend was a hollow. How Ichigo could stand not to be loved, and know he never would be by the person he loved most was baffling to them. 

He didn’t blame them. 

But he was happy. Happier than he’d been in ages. 

Sometimes he would talk about it. Feeling so complete and at peace with himself for the first time since his mother had died. Feeling warm and safe in his counterpart’s arms despite the fact he was cold as death. Like there was a weight lifted off his shoulders that he didn’t know was there until it was gone.

Content. 

At ease. 

At peace.

Despite not being loved in return, he felt loved. He felt better than he’d felt in so long. How could he ever ask for more?

All he wanted was for this peace and happiness to last forever. 

Of course, that was impossible. Nothing lasts forever. And, as was his experience, the best times are only short-lived. 

That’s why what started as a slight cough and sore throat during allergy season would lead to that which would spell his end. 


	3. The Call

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Isshin has a question.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ::^) I hope you like pain

“Ichigo, are you okay?”

“...Yeah, I’m fine dad. Why? Something up?”

“Why am I getting billed for two doctor consultations and a biopsy lab?” 

Shit.

“Oh… that…” Fuck! Fuck fuck fuck! What the hell was he supposed to say? How the fuck was he supposed to explain that? 

“Yeah. That.” Isshin sounded peeved now. Like he suspected Ichigo was hiding something---which he was, but definitely not anything Isshin was thinking. 

“Um…” he wasn’t ready to talk about it. He wasn’t ready to tell anyone about this… Especially not over the goddamn phone. To make matters worse, he could feel a familiar itch rising in the back of his throat. _Not now..._

“Ichigo? Are you gonna answer me? This stuff isn’t cheap y’know. What the _hell_ did you need a _biopsy_ for?”

“Can…” he cleared his throat, trying to quell the need to cough as best he could, “Can we talk about this later…?” Isshin made a noise like he wanted to argue, so Ichigo pushed ahead before he could say anything, “In person, I mean. Can we talk about it when I come home on Friday?”

“Friday?” his father’s voice was hard. “You want me to give you a couple of days to straighten out some sort of lie?”

“No---Nothing like that… it’s just…”

“Ichigo. A biopsy is serious.” 

“I know dad, I wouldn’t lie about it…” 

“Just… Is it cancer? Is that what this is about?” the genuine fear in his father’s voice wasn’t something he expected… 

“No dad, it’s not cancer.” He could say that much at least. Not that what it really was was much better in the end.

“...Alright.” the note of relief in Isshin’s voice made him feel guilty. He was tempted to blurt it out now, but he couldn’t. The itch as back. His words were lost, scrambled up somewhere in the back of his throat. “Friday?” 

“Friday,” he repeated, somehow managing to not sound hoarse or unsure. 

“Okay. Goodnight, Ichigo.” 

“Night, goat face.” 

As soon as the line went dead, Ichigo doubled over, coughs wracking his frame painfully. His eyes watered. 

From his lips, two small petals fell, red as the blood that coated them. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading, please review!!

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!! Please review and you can find Mid's art [here](https://bleachbigbang.tumblr.com/post/186478141685/shiroxichigo-bleach-big-bang-my-art-for).


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